Jan31
Would You Give Up Sex for 30 Days for a Better Relationship? (Sex Detox)
A better sex life and a better relationship in 30 days, by NOT having sex? Sound a little kooky? I thought so, and so when the Parent Bloggers Network offered to let me check out Sex Detox by sex therapist Ian Kerner, I decided to take them up on it. At worst I might get a few laughs, and at best maybe a new spark to a nearly 10 year relationship.
The concept behind ‘Sex Detox’ is fairly simple- by stepping back from boring, run of the mill sex and starting your sex life over, you are able to have a fresh appreciation for the intimacy you share with your partner, and ultimately improve your relationship. Through a series of daily exercises and quizzes, couples are encouraged to explore their feelings about themselves and their partners. Some of it is sexual in nature, but a lot if it touches on emotional aspects also. For those not in a long term relationship, the book also has a plan for something of a dating detox, with the addition of exercises to help you figure out what you look for in a partner. (Not being single, I admit I only skimmed this part.)
I know a lot of husbands might not be on board with being told “No sex for 30 days”, and while that may be the simplest explanation of the book, the truth is sex is not really disallowed. The author says he does not say no sex, he says no boring, mechanical sex. (Ahhh, now the truth comes out!) By going through the steps in this program, you learn to become more aware of your desires, and are better able to communicate them to your partner, leading to a better sense of intimacy and in theory, more satisfying sex for both. Not to mention the fact that being told NOT to do something is usually the fastest way to get them to do it, and I suspect many a reader of this book will get a boost in their sex life from that aspect alone.
I’d definitely recommend this book to any couple that has been married or in a long term relationship for more than a year or so. Emotional intimacy is key to a successful marriage, and what better way to facilitate that than great sex? 
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Ian Kerner Jan 31st 2008 at 07:21 pm 1
Thanks for the thoughtful, insightful review — I know it may sound a little kooky at first, but I’m glad you were able to see/read beyond that — most couples don’t end up making it the full 30 days, but that’s part of the the fun and the thrill of the chaste! ian
Dan Feb 28th 2008 at 08:56 am 2
Unfortunately, 30 days is the norm in my marriage. I’ve tried holding out for several months in hopes my wife’s libido would boost up, along with any other remedies I’ve heard or read about. But, alas, I’ve just accepted the fact that we’re only gonna have sex 10-12 times a year.